I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
