a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You have to summon your inner elephant
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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