She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
