but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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