You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
