Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
