Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
