There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
