Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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