We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Randomize
