New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
