I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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