I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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