SEEEEXXX PLEASE
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
