Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
