My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize