He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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