my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
