In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Randomize
