I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
