He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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