I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
