I wanna passion pit in your ass
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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