You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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