i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
