Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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