I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
