i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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