Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
