some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
