I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
