who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
