Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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