How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
