This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
