At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
