Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
