I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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