Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They took my balls.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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