Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
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Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
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I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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