I'm gonna have a badass scar
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
