either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
