So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
