; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
