I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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