Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(416): View more from Toronto

Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.

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(336): View more from North Carolina

I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.

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(623): View more from Arizona

Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.

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(513): View more from Ohio

Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.

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(360): View more from Washington

You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.

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(718): View more from New York

Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.

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(901): View more from Tennessee

My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign

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