You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
