Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
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