you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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