I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
