Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
