Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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