Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
