It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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