There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
