So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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