please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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