when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
