My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
