I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
