Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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