Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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