shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
