Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
