Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
