I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
