If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize