i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
