it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
