I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
