And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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