Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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