Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
