If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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