Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
