I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
