Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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