im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
