I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
