i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
