This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
