My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
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i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
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Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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