last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
