Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
