I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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