Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
