I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
