a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
